Love after 40

I have never been married. I often meet people and they find it hard to believe but life happens marriage is just one those things that didn’t happen for me. I dated and had relationships some longer than others but for one reason or another they never materlized into anything more. I focused on my son in my late 30’s and gave up dating all together. People often asked me why don’t you date, why aren’t you going out? Dating is hard and I just didn’t have the brain band width to play 20 questions every few months at that time in my life.

I got my son off to college last year the same year I turned 40 and decided in January of 2019 to focus on me. Me meaning taking time to date again. Get dressed up and go out with a gentleman you get the picture. But this is the thing I hate going out lol so how am I supposed to meet said gentleman? Thank God for dating app/sites. I’m sure you know the majors Okcupid, Match.com and I think some people even use Tinder and Plenty of Fish. I decided to go with my old friend Okcupid and new app coffee meets bagel. Okcupid changed from the last time I used it so you had to be paying member to get the full benefits this time around. I would spend my morning and evening going trough profiles to see if I had a message from someone I might be interested in. I connected with a few guys and we sent texts offline and also had phone conversations. I finally had a phone conversation with someone and we connected! We talked every night that week and made plans to meet at Top Golf for a date that Saturday.

To be continued

Sweet Dreams


Going to sleep with natural hair can be so unsexy sometimes. Those twist or braids aren’t cute but there are ways to make bedtime a little sexier. If you are trying to cover up your twist or braids I have a few recommendations for you.

The black satin scarf: you can tie this up to look anyway you like while protecting your hair. It doesn’t have to cost you much either you can try the fabric store or Amazon offers this one for just 7.99. Make sure ou get it large enough to fit your hair and that you can tuck sides that it doesn’t come unraveled while you are sleep.

Slap cap: This looks like knit cap but is satin lined which makes it the perfect cover up for around the house or to bed. The price point is 24.00 but she often has sales. They even offer offer small sizes for the little ones. Another plus to slap cap is it comes in a variety of colors.

If you have been looking for something that doesn’t have you going bed looking Celie these are two options to consider. How do you keep bedtime cute when going to be with natural hair.

Mask Monday Featuring TGIN Honey Miracle Mask

As a natural finding products that you want to include in your holy grail can be a daunting task. I know I have tried hair mask in every price range, and brand. I decided to share some of my favorites mask and will also be trying new to me masks or revisiting mask I have previously tried. I will start with my number one favorite TGIN Miracle Mask.

This mask is a favorite in the natural hair community because it has slip but also offers moisture while also keeping the hair strands strong. You can use heat or not and still get the impact. However I feel adding heat does add a little extra punch. The price point is about average for a deep conditioning mask at Target it was listed at 13.29 Sally’s has listed for 16.99 but you can definitely get it cheaper than that from Sally’s during one of their sales. The one issue I have seen most naturals take with the product are the ingredients it does contain silicone’s but they are further down on the list so I’m okay with that but beware if that is something you don’t like in your products. With that said you can find this product just about everywhere so you haven’t already tried it please give this mask a try

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My hair with TGIN Honey Miracle Mask after 20 minutes under a heating cap.
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My hair after rinsing out the mask.

Failure?

I go into 2019 actually feeling like a failure. I can no longer afford to stay in my home so I’m selling it and probably moving back with mother. At 40 years old I feel like a failure. Over the past two months I have thought about self harm because it just felt like an embarrassment to be moving back in with my mother at this age. I’m thankful I have somewhere to go but at the same time it’s just not where I thought I would be going into 2019. I was laid off from job in 2014 I went back to work but at a lower salary. I was able to maintain for a few years but I just can’t do it any more. I want to take this next year or two to regroup get my savings back and payoff some debt I have accumulated in trying to stay afloat. I have not spoken these words to anyone but I had to get them out because it has been weighing on me very heavy. I had family offer me money but to me that would just be another temporary fix. I don’t know if I will go through the home buying process again but that isn’t my concern right now. Have you ever felt like a failure if so what caused you to feel that way and how did you overcome that feeling of failure?

Goals 2019

I just wanted to share of few of my goals for 2019 nothing too deep but just small things I want to incorporate into my life in 2019.

Reading goals:

  • One non-fiction book and one graphic novel every month
  • Read 52 books in 2019
  • Read more books by non-black minority authors
  • Continue reading journal

Beauty goals:

  • Skin care and make-up by black owned companies only
  • Use up my hair product stash before buying new products
  • Consistent night time skin care

Blog:

  • Publish two to three post per month
  • Get better at photography
  • Take a writing class
  • Just write consistently!

Reading Black 2018

Towards the end of 2017 I was watching Youtube videos and some the black Youtubers were discussing reading only black/African American authors for 2018. I forgot which Youtuber started the reading black out it but I decided  I wanted to participate in the year long challenge. Now I have read about two to three books that weren’t from black authors but they were still people of color like Mindy Kaling Trevor Noah and Kevin Kwan. This year I have read or listened to over 40 fiction and non-fiction books by black authors. During this year long challenge I have been able to find books by black female authors that I never heard of before. I also found books about fictional middle aged black women that are truly bad ass. I won’t act like it was easy to find lesser know authors somtimes but thanks to black Booktube, Instagram and goodreads I was able to find some great books that I will definetly be recommending to others.  Also you must look past the best of  or must read list  include the most well known black authors and books while there is nothing wrong with that there other great black authors writing good, beautiful stories. The bulk of my reading for 2019 will still be black authors but there a few non-black author books I want to read in 2019. I wanted to share a few of my favorite reads from reading black this year.

Best audio-book non-fiction: The Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Haddish hearing Tiffany’s story in her own voice was funny and inspiring all at the same time. I’m sure you have seen an interview or read an article with her telling of her rough childhood the audio version of book is still worth a listen.

Best audio book fiction: Upstate by Kalisha Buckhorn is narrated by Chadwick Boseman and reading letters back and forth for the characters. The story of young love fractured by an imprisonment of the male character. The letters between the two teens into adulthood are so raw, funny and heartbreaking at times. I thought about this books for weeks after I finished. I highly recommend this book if you the liked An American Marriage even though these characters aren’t married you get that movement and evolution of the characters through their letters.

Best Series: Sugar by Bernice L. Mcfadden I really enjoyed the first book about Sugar Lacey. The second book was also good but the first book is the strongest of the series. You find out about Sugar’s beginning and how she became to be troubled young woman the finds herself living across the street from Pearl.

Favorite re-read: Color Purple by Alice Walker I have read the Color Purple three times now. First as teen then as a twenty something and then again this year at forty. Each time I gleam something different or get something that I missed. I feel like Celie, Nettie and Shug Avery are part of my family. I have a love hate relationship with Mr. and Harpo. And if you don’t love Sophia I’m not sure about your character.

Best New to Me: Blanche White by Barbara Neely  I have always loved mysteries dating back to when I was young. As I got older and my interest changed to want to read characters that looked more like me it has been difficult to find mysteries or thrillers that have black female leads. When March Mystery Madness rolled around on Youtube a video featured books with just such characters by black authors. I read the first book of the Blanche White series in March and picked up the second book over the summer. I believe there are only four books in the series but I’m excited to read the rest of Ms. White’s adventures.

2018 christmas gift guide

Christmas is just right around the corner. If you need to find a dope gift for your family, friend or even you coworkers I think I have the guide for you. Best of all the brands are created by women. Happy shopping!

  1. Erin Condren Hard Notebook these notebooks come in beautiful colors and can be used for planning or just as a journal for thoughts.  Another bonus that makes this the perfect gift is that it can be personalized  Order early to receive in time for Christmas.
  2. Felicia Leatherwood Detangling brush for your naturally curly, kinky hair lady this is the perfect gift! It makes detangling a breeze because the brush is strong yet flexible so it won’t rip her curls out. If the brush is available don’t wait.
  3. Fenty Bomb Baby set includes Killawatt Freestyle Highlighter in “Hu$tla Baby” and Gloss Bomb Universal Lip in travel-friendly sizes for your beauty queen. She can have favorites on the go or you can introduce someone to the greatness that is Fenty Beauty.
  4. Elle Vie body butter is the perfect moisturizer with beautiful scents. Especially with winter right around the corner this is a beautiful gift for the lady in your life. She will be soft and smell amazing!
  5. Posh Candles soy wax candles that have cute names to go with their wonderful smell. This is the perfect gift for the person who loves cute decor and the candles smell better than those found in your local stores.
  6. My Lit Box a subscription service for the book lover in your life. It is delivered quarterly so she won’t  over run with books. They send you the latest in new book releases and have three different options to choose from.

Great gift ideas for every woman in your life no matter her age. Happy Holidays

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