Love after 40

I have never been married. I often meet people and they find it hard to believe but life happens marriage is just one those things that didn’t happen for me. I dated and had relationships some longer than others but for one reason or another they never materlized into anything more. I focused on my son in my late 30’s and gave up dating all together. People often asked me why don’t you date, why aren’t you going out? Dating is hard and I just didn’t have the brain band width to play 20 questions every few months at that time in my life.

I got my son off to college last year the same year I turned 40 and decided in January of 2019 to focus on me. Me meaning taking time to date again. Get dressed up and go out with a gentleman you get the picture. But this is the thing I hate going out lol so how am I supposed to meet said gentleman? Thank God for dating app/sites. I’m sure you know the majors Okcupid, Match.com and I think some people even use Tinder and Plenty of Fish. I decided to go with my old friend Okcupid and new app coffee meets bagel. Okcupid changed from the last time I used it so you had to be paying member to get the full benefits this time around. I would spend my morning and evening going trough profiles to see if I had a message from someone I might be interested in. I connected with a few guys and we sent texts offline and also had phone conversations. I finally had a phone conversation with someone and we connected! We talked every night that week and made plans to meet at Top Golf for a date that Saturday.

To be continued

Sweet Dreams


Going to sleep with natural hair can be so unsexy sometimes. Those twist or braids aren’t cute but there are ways to make bedtime a little sexier. If you are trying to cover up your twist or braids I have a few recommendations for you.

The black satin scarf: you can tie this up to look anyway you like while protecting your hair. It doesn’t have to cost you much either you can try the fabric store or Amazon offers this one for just 7.99. Make sure ou get it large enough to fit your hair and that you can tuck sides that it doesn’t come unraveled while you are sleep.

Slap cap: This looks like knit cap but is satin lined which makes it the perfect cover up for around the house or to bed. The price point is 24.00 but she often has sales. They even offer offer small sizes for the little ones. Another plus to slap cap is it comes in a variety of colors.

If you have been looking for something that doesn’t have you going bed looking Celie these are two options to consider. How do you keep bedtime cute when going to be with natural hair.

Mask Monday Featuring TGIN Honey Miracle Mask

As a natural finding products that you want to include in your holy grail can be a daunting task. I know I have tried hair mask in every price range, and brand. I decided to share some of my favorites mask and will also be trying new to me masks or revisiting mask I have previously tried. I will start with my number one favorite TGIN Miracle Mask.

This mask is a favorite in the natural hair community because it has slip but also offers moisture while also keeping the hair strands strong. You can use heat or not and still get the impact. However I feel adding heat does add a little extra punch. The price point is about average for a deep conditioning mask at Target it was listed at 13.29 Sally’s has listed for 16.99 but you can definitely get it cheaper than that from Sally’s during one of their sales. The one issue I have seen most naturals take with the product are the ingredients it does contain silicone’s but they are further down on the list so I’m okay with that but beware if that is something you don’t like in your products. With that said you can find this product just about everywhere so you haven’t already tried it please give this mask a try

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My hair with TGIN Honey Miracle Mask after 20 minutes under a heating cap.
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My hair after rinsing out the mask.

Failure?

I go into 2019 actually feeling like a failure. I can no longer afford to stay in my home so I’m selling it and probably moving back with mother. At 40 years old I feel like a failure. Over the past two months I have thought about self harm because it just felt like an embarrassment to be moving back in with my mother at this age. I’m thankful I have somewhere to go but at the same time it’s just not where I thought I would be going into 2019. I was laid off from job in 2014 I went back to work but at a lower salary. I was able to maintain for a few years but I just can’t do it any more. I want to take this next year or two to regroup get my savings back and payoff some debt I have accumulated in trying to stay afloat. I have not spoken these words to anyone but I had to get them out because it has been weighing on me very heavy. I had family offer me money but to me that would just be another temporary fix. I don’t know if I will go through the home buying process again but that isn’t my concern right now. Have you ever felt like a failure if so what caused you to feel that way and how did you overcome that feeling of failure?

Goals 2019

I just wanted to share of few of my goals for 2019 nothing too deep but just small things I want to incorporate into my life in 2019.

Reading goals:

  • One non-fiction book and one graphic novel every month
  • Read 52 books in 2019
  • Read more books by non-black minority authors
  • Continue reading journal

Beauty goals:

  • Skin care and make-up by black owned companies only
  • Use up my hair product stash before buying new products
  • Consistent night time skin care

Blog:

  • Publish two to three post per month
  • Get better at photography
  • Take a writing class
  • Just write consistently!

Reading Black 2018

Towards the end of 2017 I was watching Youtube videos and some the black Youtubers were discussing reading only black/African American authors for 2018. I forgot which Youtuber started the reading black out it but I decided  I wanted to participate in the year long challenge. Now I have read about two to three books that weren’t from black authors but they were still people of color like Mindy Kaling Trevor Noah and Kevin Kwan. This year I have read or listened to over 40 fiction and non-fiction books by black authors. During this year long challenge I have been able to find books by black female authors that I never heard of before. I also found books about fictional middle aged black women that are truly bad ass. I won’t act like it was easy to find lesser know authors somtimes but thanks to black Booktube, Instagram and goodreads I was able to find some great books that I will definetly be recommending to others.  Also you must look past the best of  or must read list  include the most well known black authors and books while there is nothing wrong with that there other great black authors writing good, beautiful stories. The bulk of my reading for 2019 will still be black authors but there a few non-black author books I want to read in 2019. I wanted to share a few of my favorite reads from reading black this year.

Best audio-book non-fiction: The Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Haddish hearing Tiffany’s story in her own voice was funny and inspiring all at the same time. I’m sure you have seen an interview or read an article with her telling of her rough childhood the audio version of book is still worth a listen.

Best audio book fiction: Upstate by Kalisha Buckhorn is narrated by Chadwick Boseman and reading letters back and forth for the characters. The story of young love fractured by an imprisonment of the male character. The letters between the two teens into adulthood are so raw, funny and heartbreaking at times. I thought about this books for weeks after I finished. I highly recommend this book if you the liked An American Marriage even though these characters aren’t married you get that movement and evolution of the characters through their letters.

Best Series: Sugar by Bernice L. Mcfadden I really enjoyed the first book about Sugar Lacey. The second book was also good but the first book is the strongest of the series. You find out about Sugar’s beginning and how she became to be troubled young woman the finds herself living across the street from Pearl.

Favorite re-read: Color Purple by Alice Walker I have read the Color Purple three times now. First as teen then as a twenty something and then again this year at forty. Each time I gleam something different or get something that I missed. I feel like Celie, Nettie and Shug Avery are part of my family. I have a love hate relationship with Mr. and Harpo. And if you don’t love Sophia I’m not sure about your character.

Best New to Me: Blanche White by Barbara Neely  I have always loved mysteries dating back to when I was young. As I got older and my interest changed to want to read characters that looked more like me it has been difficult to find mysteries or thrillers that have black female leads. When March Mystery Madness rolled around on Youtube a video featured books with just such characters by black authors. I read the first book of the Blanche White series in March and picked up the second book over the summer. I believe there are only four books in the series but I’m excited to read the rest of Ms. White’s adventures.

2018 christmas gift guide

Christmas is just right around the corner. If you need to find a dope gift for your family, friend or even you coworkers I think I have the guide for you. Best of all the brands are created by women. Happy shopping!

  1. Erin Condren Hard Notebook these notebooks come in beautiful colors and can be used for planning or just as a journal for thoughts.  Another bonus that makes this the perfect gift is that it can be personalized  Order early to receive in time for Christmas.
  2. Felicia Leatherwood Detangling brush for your naturally curly, kinky hair lady this is the perfect gift! It makes detangling a breeze because the brush is strong yet flexible so it won’t rip her curls out. If the brush is available don’t wait.
  3. Fenty Bomb Baby set includes Killawatt Freestyle Highlighter in “Hu$tla Baby” and Gloss Bomb Universal Lip in travel-friendly sizes for your beauty queen. She can have favorites on the go or you can introduce someone to the greatness that is Fenty Beauty.
  4. Elle Vie body butter is the perfect moisturizer with beautiful scents. Especially with winter right around the corner this is a beautiful gift for the lady in your life. She will be soft and smell amazing!
  5. Posh Candles soy wax candles that have cute names to go with their wonderful smell. This is the perfect gift for the person who loves cute decor and the candles smell better than those found in your local stores.
  6. My Lit Box a subscription service for the book lover in your life. It is delivered quarterly so she won’t  over run with books. They send you the latest in new book releases and have three different options to choose from.

Great gift ideas for every woman in your life no matter her age. Happy Holidays

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My Favorite Teas

My blog is called Tea with Tameka and I don’t think I have ever shared my favorite teas. The weather is getting cooler so here are some of my favorite teas and tea supplies  to help you warm up and stay warm. Some of these I drink year around others I reserve for cooler temperatures. I tried to pick different price points hope you find something new to try.

Teas:

Tazo Chai Tea  a robust blend of black tea, cinnamon, cardamom, black pepper & spices. The smell is fall to me. I can drink anytime of the year but it is a must have in my home from October until March. I also enjoy the liquid Chai tea when I want the Starbucks Chai tea latte I will purchase the mix and some almond milk. I will mix it up at home  and that saves me money.

Yogi Green Tea Kombucha blended with organic green tea, designed to support your immune system and supply antioxidants also spearmint supports digestion, as lemongrass and plum flavors create a fragrant blend with a light flavor. The smell is beautiful and taste amazing.

Numi Orange Spice  blend of organic smooth white tea and real orange peel, schizandra berries and lemongrass balances complex citrus notes with luxurious spice. I love this tea it taste amazing. I enjoy it in the late morning as pick me up.

Bigelow Constant Comment black tea, rind of oranges, sweet spice, natural flavor. This one the teas in my early morning rotation. It has a high caffeine content so it give me boost I need.

Supplies:

Tea filter bags – I enjoy buying loose tea but found it difficult to use I had the kettle with the insert but that never really worked for me. I saw these in the grocery story and my loose leaf tea game was changed. I’m able to put my tea in the bag and put into my mug or machine without a big mess. 4.99-5.69 Amazon

Reusable Cup – I like metal travel cups but they aren’t always best for where I’m going. I found this lovely 3 pack of reusable cups to take my tea on the go. The set includes three tops and the cups with a cute design on the outside. I also purchased these for my son to take to college for his lemon water and hot tea. price is great also 4.99 at Target.

Honey stick -I don’t have to put sugar or honey in my tea but sometimes it nice to add a little sweetener or if I’m not enjoying the flavor then honey can help. They are individually packaged so you can take them anywhere. These can also be a great gift for college students. 14.99 for 100 Amazon

Now curl up with your favorite book or movie and enjoy!

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Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Are Introverts Mean People?

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Photo by Godisable Jacob on Pexels.com

I saw a mom blogger on Instagram kinda questioning are some people rude or are they truly introverts. She provided a situation where she was at an event and met a fellow mom blogger who was kinda cold upon her greeting. How she described the interaction it was just someone being rude to me. I’m introvert have known way before I knew there was a word and definition for my feelings. The definitions of introvert all suggest characteristics of being reserved and tend to focus on oneself.  Also introversion is the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life that definition is from Merriam Websters.  So nothing about being an introvert is to be rude or mean but just preferring to spend time alone.

I want to share my feelings as an introvert so for people who don’t understand or get it hopefully this will help. Going out to something that isn’t required and interacting with people can be draining. For me it doesn’t matter if it’s a group of people I know or if it’s people I don’t know I have to motivate myself self to go. A lot of times I will go to into hibernation prior to going to an event to build up my energy levels. Going out with family or to a family event is easier because I don’t feel like I have to be on and coming up with conversation. However it can still be a drain I have left family events with horrible headaches because of all the talking and laughing.  When I’m interacting with people I don’t know and want to be social I try to find something we have in common as an icebreaker then go from there.  I have held conversations with people I didn’t know at first but after finding that common subject were able to interact and it was a pleasant experience.  I do think two introverts aren’t going to get very far initially because neither probably wants to exert the energy needed to get past hello. I’m only speaking from my experience I really hate being an introvert sometimes because I know I have missed out on great experiences but the fear and anxiety overwhelm me so I just stay at home. I will say that being an introvert doesn’t allow you to be a mean and cold to other people. Here are a few tips that I use to help me.

  • Arrive early you can have the host introduce you to a few people see who you click with and use that person to continue to get to know other people.
  • If you can take someone with you. If the party or event allows for plus one take someone especially someone who is an extrovert to help pull you out of your shell.
  • Leave if you are feeling overwhelmed it’s okay, rather than sit in the corner alone and have people wonder about you.

If you are an introvert tell me what tips you use when going out to not be so awkward? And if you aren’t an introvert what have your experiences been like dealing with introverts?

When I asked for your help, you answered my prayer and gave me courage. Psalms 138: 3 CEV

Insecure Season 3 wrap-up

I love Insecure, I love seeing black people just be black on television. With that said I didn’t love season three. There seem to be a lot of setup for the up coming season especially in the finale. I was glad to see the season end with Issa being content in her new singleness. I think I was used to something extreme happening in every episode the two previous seasons (who will ever forget Lawrence smashing Tasha’s cakes in the season one finale) to have a season with less OMG made this season seem to drag during some episodes. I had to remember though that life isn’t always circus and it shouldn’t be. Just a brief rundown of my thoughts on the characters this season.

Daniel wasn’t what I thought he would be. I do believe we will see him again but I hope the next time we do it is with much more confidence. Issa really did need to quit We Gotcha Yall because her heart really wasn’t it anymore. Also when you are coming up with ideas and being shut down that make you feel as though you opinion isn’t valued. I think that is why she fell so hard for Nathan because he made her feel as though her ideas were great and important. Now Nathan did zero to help Issa with her idea he offered great lip service to motivate her. But why you gotta ghost my girl Nathan then show up like nothing ever happened??? Molly normally has ish together when it comes to work but this season she was just alienating her peers right and left with no remorse. I do hope that Molly doesn’t further mess up the possible dating experience with Andrew. I thought I wouldn’t miss the Lawrence character and didn’t realize how much I missed him until he came back. I think we need the male perspective in Lawrence to balance Issa and Molly’s antics. While I do love the girls friendships and seeing the growth in that relationship Lawrence’s character  has allowed us to see how men handle break-ups and starting over. Also we get to see male friendships some too through Lawrence.

I will be back for season four to see what the ladies and gent are getting into, because even though this season lagged at times it still gave some great commentary on female friendships, ghosting and moving up or out at work. On a side note even the show within the show wasn’t as good or compelling as previous seasons. How did you enjoy this season of Insecure, will you be returning for season 4 if not why?

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