I go into 2019 actually feeling like a failure. I can no longer afford to stay in my home so I’m selling it and probably moving back with mother. At 40 years old I feel like a failure. Over the past two months I have thought about self harm because it just felt like an embarrassment to be moving back in with my mother at this age. I’m thankful I have somewhere to go but at the same time it’s just not where I thought I would be going into 2019. I was laid off from job in 2014 I went back to work but at a lower salary. I was able to maintain for a few years but I just can’t do it any more. I want to take this next year or two to regroup get my savings back and payoff some debt I have accumulated in trying to stay afloat. I have not spoken these words to anyone but I had to get them out because it has been weighing on me very heavy. I had family offer me money but to me that would just be another temporary fix. I don’t know if I will go through the home buying process again but that isn’t my concern right now. Have you ever felt like a failure if so what caused you to feel that way and how did you overcome that feeling of failure?
I just wanted to share of few of my goals for 2019 nothing too deep but just small things I want to incorporate into my life in 2019.
- One non-fiction book and one graphic novel every month
- Read 52 books in 2019
- Read more books by non-black minority authors
- Continue reading journal
- Skin care and make-up by black owned companies only
- Use up my hair product stash before buying new products
- Consistent night time skin care
- Publish two to three post per month
- Get better at photography
- Take a writing class
- Just write consistently!