Love after 40

I have never been married. I often meet people and they find it hard to believe but life happens marriage is just one those things that didn’t happen for me. I dated and had relationships some longer than others but for one reason or another they never materlized into anything more. I focused on my son in my late 30’s and gave up dating all together. People often asked me why don’t you date, why aren’t you going out? Dating is hard and I just didn’t have the brain band width to play 20 questions every few months at that time in my life.

I got my son off to college last year the same year I turned 40 and decided in January of 2019 to focus on me. Me meaning taking time to date again. Get dressed up and go out with a gentleman you get the picture. But this is the thing I hate going out lol so how am I supposed to meet said gentleman? Thank God for dating app/sites. I’m sure you know the majors Okcupid, Match.com and I think some people even use Tinder and Plenty of Fish. I decided to go with my old friend Okcupid and new app coffee meets bagel. Okcupid changed from the last time I used it so you had to be paying member to get the full benefits this time around. I would spend my morning and evening going trough profiles to see if I had a message from someone I might be interested in. I connected with a few guys and we sent texts offline and also had phone conversations. I finally had a phone conversation with someone and we connected! We talked every night that week and made plans to meet at Top Golf for a date that Saturday.

To be continued

Are Introverts Mean People?

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I saw a mom blogger on Instagram kinda questioning are some people rude or are they truly introverts. She provided a situation where she was at an event and met a fellow mom blogger who was kinda cold upon her greeting. How she described the interaction it was just someone being rude to me. I’m introvert have known way before I knew there was a word and definition for my feelings. The definitions of introvert all suggest characteristics of being reserved and tend to focus on oneself.  Also introversion is the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life that definition is from Merriam Websters.  So nothing about being an introvert is to be rude or mean but just preferring to spend time alone.

I want to share my feelings as an introvert so for people who don’t understand or get it hopefully this will help. Going out to something that isn’t required and interacting with people can be draining. For me it doesn’t matter if it’s a group of people I know or if it’s people I don’t know I have to motivate myself self to go. A lot of times I will go to into hibernation prior to going to an event to build up my energy levels. Going out with family or to a family event is easier because I don’t feel like I have to be on and coming up with conversation. However it can still be a drain I have left family events with horrible headaches because of all the talking and laughing.  When I’m interacting with people I don’t know and want to be social I try to find something we have in common as an icebreaker then go from there.  I have held conversations with people I didn’t know at first but after finding that common subject were able to interact and it was a pleasant experience.  I do think two introverts aren’t going to get very far initially because neither probably wants to exert the energy needed to get past hello. I’m only speaking from my experience I really hate being an introvert sometimes because I know I have missed out on great experiences but the fear and anxiety overwhelm me so I just stay at home. I will say that being an introvert doesn’t allow you to be a mean and cold to other people. Here are a few tips that I use to help me.

  • Arrive early you can have the host introduce you to a few people see who you click with and use that person to continue to get to know other people.
  • If you can take someone with you. If the party or event allows for plus one take someone especially someone who is an extrovert to help pull you out of your shell.
  • Leave if you are feeling overwhelmed it’s okay, rather than sit in the corner alone and have people wonder about you.

If you are an introvert tell me what tips you use when going out to not be so awkward? And if you aren’t an introvert what have your experiences been like dealing with introverts?

When I asked for your help, you answered my prayer and gave me courage. Psalms 138: 3 CEV

Happy Love Day

CHRISTIAN THEOLOGY
noun: agape
  1. Christian love, especially as distinct from erotic love or emotional affection.
    As we take time today to celebrate love, show love, and express love lets show agape love everyday. I do believe people have forgotten how to love unconditionally. It’s a what is in it for me attitude. Human nature desires love and not always romantic love but just agape love of fellow man. Happy Valentines Day!
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